To Whoever Needs To Hear It: Exercise Is Not Just For Aesthetics

Season 10 of Love Is Blind Premiered this month, a show that I watch like the most dedicated Chicago Bears fan. I know it’s going to be hard, even excruciating to watch, and yet I make the weekly commitment anyway. 

The show is a fascinating experiment that gives the cast an opportunity to fall in love without ever seeing each other’s faces. Couples that want to continue on with the experiment get engaged, and then they have less than one month to prepare for a wedding together. During this final phase, they meet in person, move in together, meet each other’s loved ones, and then meet at the end of the aisle for their final decision. 

As you can imagine, a lot of drama is brought on as the engaged couples get to know each other more. A big factor that ends up being make or break is lifestyle… and unfortunately, nearly every single season there is a conversation that involves food shaming or body shaming. 

On the most recent Love Is Blind UK season, I was shaking my head listening to a man tell his now ex-fiance that they cannot have sweets in the house because he believes in leading a healthy lifestyle. His ex-fiance was saying that she sees nothing unhealthy about enjoying a cookie or a scoop of ice cream. If you know me, you know I whole-heartedly agree that there is nothing healthier than being able to keep your favorite foods in the house and enjoying them in moderation. Though their conversation was frustrating, I appreciated that it (and their relationship) ended respectfully. 

I cannot say the same for Chris on season 10 of Love Is Blind, Cleveland. Not only did he completely disrespect his now ex-fiance, Jessica, (yay for two women leaving men who shame them), but he perpetuated a huge pillar of diet culture that I will keep debunking as long as I live.

“I date people who do Crossfit,” he said. “Somebody who does Pilates every day, somebody who works out every day.” And his conclusion was that because Jessica does not have the body of someone who does Pilates every day, he does not find her attractive. 

First and foremost, if what someone’s body looks like is that much of a concern for you, maybe don’t go on a show where you have to propose to someone before you ever even see them. 

Second, diet culture’s pillar that the sole purpose of exercise is to lose weight and stay thin is outdated and wrong. But that’s what diet culture has made us buy into for decades. Classes and programs are sold to us with the promise of torching calories and shedding inches and pounds off your frame. And the subtext to this, that exercise should be used as punishment to burn off what you’ve eaten, is burned on our brains. 

It’s for that reason that many people don’t even bother trying. If someone is in a season where they don’t have the time, the will, the desire to lose weight, they might think that exercising isn’t for them. And worse, if someone thinks that the sole purpose of exercising is to eventually fit into size 2 clothing, they might be too overwhelmed and intimidated to even begin. 

This barrier to entry is so harmful because it steers people away from experiencing the most important purpose of exercise: health and longevity. 

For most people, your healthiest body is not also your thinnest body. For most people, reaching and maintaining a size 2 body requires unhealthy habits, like undereating and overtraining. For most people, it is important and beneficial to exercise regularly even if you don’t shed a single pound. 

And a lot of people DO exercise regularly without shedding a single pound simply because they like the plethora of other benefits. Regular exercise – a combination of cardio and strength training – is imperative to maintaining a healthy heart and lungs, muscle mass, and bone density. It also improves your mobility, stress and energy levels, and sleep quality. It is common for people in their 30’s and above to blame stiff joints, a sore low back, a higher proneness to injury, and perpetual fatigue as “aging” when really, those are all likely due to a sedentary lifestyle. 

Our society associates thin with healthy, and that’s the furthest from the truth. A size 10 woman who strength trains 3 times per week, takes daily walks, and prioritizes a diet rich in protein and fiber is far healthier than someone who doesn’t exercise or eat mindfully because they’re naturally a size 2, or someone who exercises too much and eats too little to maintain their size 2 figure.

If you love your body and still want to improve the way it looks, great! Unfortunately, far too many people, especially women, exercise because they hate the way their body looks and desperately want it to change. And even more unfortunately, many men spark and enable that behavior.  

It was so refreshing to see Jessica stay so calm while listening to Chris and simply leave the room and the relationship. “Of course it hurt my feelings, I’m human, but also I was like you don’t deserve to be in my airspace,” she said on a recent podcast. “Insecure men love to say, ‘She was crazy! She was yelling!’ You’re not even getting that. You don’t deserve to.” 

What Chris clearly doesn’t understand is that you don’t have to do Pilates every day, and you don’t even have to look like you do Pilates every day, to have a level of confidence that empowers you to walk away from a selfish and immature man. That level of confidence comes from some serious internal work, work that I hope Chris will be inspired to do on his own before his next relationship.